I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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