me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
