3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
