Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
is it fun? or sober?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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