Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
