We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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