if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
