The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We left the knife in your bed.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
