Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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