He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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