I wish my penis had an off switch
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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