Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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