I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
