You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
