she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
