I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
