Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
