I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
