He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
