Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
