So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
