I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
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