so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
