oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
