I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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