the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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