it's too hot outside to masturbate.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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