Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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