You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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