Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
