I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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