True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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