you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
