so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
