Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
