Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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