I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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