my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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