So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
