Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Randomize
