Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
