Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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