She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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