we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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