I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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