WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
