Where is the hickey?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
