Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
