I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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