Soap is not a condiment
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
