My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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