Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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