remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
