Kareoke will never be a sober sport
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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