I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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