Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
