So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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