I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize