With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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