New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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