The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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