pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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