dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
