Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
