So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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