take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
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