apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
