I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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