She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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