it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My ATM looks so different sober.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
