The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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