SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize