Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
