well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
