Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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