every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
