I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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