Swine flu. Run for my life!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
