I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize