Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
