No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
