this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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