i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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