i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
