sarcasm needs its own font
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize