do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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