Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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