She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize