insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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