I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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