My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
