I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
