ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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