she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
