Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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