grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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