...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
