It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
