I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
