I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i came on her dog
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
