I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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