69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
