my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
